When is an ad not an ad? When it’s a random WordPress Update…

So.  I’ve been a bit quiet.  And, as regular readers of this irregular blog will know (well..I say regular…hello Mum) I’ve taken down all my short stories.  This is due to a spate of submissions that require any original writing to be unpublished.  So, between that and trying to pull a few comic scripts together, I’ve been a bit on the “un-uploaded” side of things really.  Hey ho. 

On the plus side, some nice “Commended” feedback for one of my stories, which is good…although on the negative side of things, apparently my short story wasn’t long enough.  But at the moment, all feedback is good feedback, and other useful snappy clichés.

( I seem to have put Track changes on this document…hang about…) ihsdgafjhsdgf  Excellent.  Job done.

So yeah, there’s a split between trying to write new stuff, thinking about trying to write new stuff, thinking about improving old stuff, trying to co-opt old stuff into the new stuff to give it more legs, and then trying to get the new stuff (both co-opted and, well…new) into a place where people actually get a chance to read it and then slag it off on the internet which, is of course, every writer’s dream.  I’m also strongly, STRONGLY trying to avoid doing ANYTHING with zombies (even though I’ve got a half decent Victorian Era comic arc in mind called The Zombie Hambridge…but that’s on the back burner).

If, on the completely random off-chance that anyone reads this and is vaguely interested in some sort of writer / art collaboration (and are UK based – maybe North-West too?), it’d be really interesting to knock some ideas around…or if you’re anywhere.  Heck…if you’re on the internet, then that’s a winner.

At the moment, I have a plan, an aim, and my brain.  I’m pretty interested to see how far that can take me.  But in a few weeks, once that’s exhausted, I’m going to have to turn to the cat for intellectual stimulation and…frankly…aside from his Nobel Prize for Literature, he’s useless.

Religion, hey? Blimey.

Pastafarianism is superb. A great concept. Deftly dealing, in one sense, with the ambiguity of religion and logic, whilst at the same time cocking a giant snook at society in general.

Because, admit it, it’s a level of civil disobedience that is acceptable and morally justified by the (predominantly) lefty, (predominantly) liberal minority / majority. For those unfamiliar, Pastafarianism posits the theory that there is a Flying Spaghetti Monster in the atmosphere. But you can never see him (although a female flying spaghetti monster theory is growing in popularity).  However, he DOES exist, and therefore you have to have faith and believe he exists. Requesting proof means the introduction of “Science” and “Logic” to the debate. This is NOT ALLOWED.

As a result, this chap can get away with a fantastically precise interpretation of the law. But is this right? Is this a “joke” too far? I’ll be honest – I was very, very close to putting Jedi down as my religion on the most recent census. But something got the better of me. I don’t agree with organised religion. I don’t necessarily agree that the world would be better off without it, because those people that behave in a certain manner and use religion as a justification would most probably find something else to use as a stick with which to beat an opponent. Perhaps foot size. Or irregularity of gait. Or race.

So things like Pastafarianism have a place in disavowing the value of teaching intelligent design in schools – it exposes idiocy. This can only be a good thing, although the spaghetti argument also seems to bring with it a sense of superiority that undermines the good intentions. Unfortunately, there doesn’t really seem to be a way of demonstrating that someone’s way of thinking is logically flawed without the nasty issue of intelligence rearing its head. The whiff of “stupidity and naivety in the face of logic” makes the position sometimes difficult to hold with a straight, kindly face.

The challenge of the liberal lefty left is to avoid coming across as flipfloppers between patronising smiles and sneering cynicism. It’s hard to resist, because overwhelming belief inherently means that the only real way faith can win in an argument over hard science is an insistence on other, less tangible emotions and characteristics; this degenerates into base name-calling and lunacy.

People will always believe in their faiths. That, in itself is no bad thing – anything that a person can find individual strength and value in should never be discouraged. Faith as a definition of personality and body should also be tolerated – either because of their religious passion, or for larks. But faith as a justification for behaviour towards others provides an opportunity to deindividualise and a justification for a desensitised approach to the local and global community.

Something, I’m quite sure, that any kind of deity (ineffable or starch-based) would not support.

Pretentious? Moi?

Pretentions. Why do we have them? What makes one particular group of people feel that they are considerably more “something” than another group? For example, fashion. And I don’t mean standard, jeans-and-a-tshirt-and-a-jumper fashion, but the kinds of things that need considerable scaffolding and a miniature JCB to take up and down the catwalk. Things that would make Escher wince. (Incidentally, someone has just pointed out a really annoying noise to me. One that I hadn’t noticed before. And now it’s scraping its nails across my brain on a regular basis. So this post might actually end in a puddle of consonants and bile. Anyway, where was I…)

Lady Gaga – I’m looking at you. Now, I’m for Feminism. I’m totally onside with the idea of the sisterhood and women doing it for themselves. Ms. Gaga’s sentiments are healthy, sensible, life-affirming and, I’m quite sure, can reach out and connect with people that are struggling with life or going through some particularly dark and difficult times. And at first, her flirting with the modern art establishment set her apart. I mean, who DOESN’T want to wear a dress made from Kermit the Frog dolls. As she develops her stardom, and as an absolute stand out star that shone brighter and brighter in the public eye, her approach to novelty outfits has become excessive…extraneous to her talents. Although, as she’s now beginning to rip off Madonna, perhaps her bubble has burst.

But pretention within an artificial bubble such as the pop world or fashion world is a problem because it suggests aspirations; this person and way of life is what must drive you. And this is where the line between reality and pretention blurs. It’s selling an idea that the unreal is not only normal, but is achievable and indeed desirable. It provides an inflated sense of what anyone must achieve in order to have “succeeded”.

So, Lady Gaga, make your catchy, 80′s inspired electro pop, but don’t try and pass off a dress made of cow as a statement for individuality. And artists like Ke$ha – money and partying isn’t the fundamental aim of sisterhood, individuality and free-spirited adventure. You don’t need to drink until you vomit and then grind your way through the male population of a local club to express your feminist and independent ideals. Just expand your mind, be true to yourself and do what truly makes you happy.

Of course, if that’s going out covered in offal…well..fair enough. But it’s been done before.

UK Riots

At a time like this, there isn’t really much else to write about.  Living in the North of the UK, and spending a few days in London with work every month, you see the differences.  The sheer volume of people makes things like the daily commute a draining experience.  People have become a little bit more “me, me, me” and less concerned about their fellow man – people will gladly stand on your face if it means that they can get into that last 6-inch gap on the tube.  And then spit on you as the doors close.

The last few nights have brought out the absolute worst in a small minority of British people.  And it IS a small minority.  This isn’t the struggled, put-upon masses.  This isn’t the voiceless generation.  Yes, government has let down many; many people, of all ages and races.  But they’ve let down millions.  And those millions struggle from day to day, on the whole trying to make the best of increasingly difficult situations.  They realise that, for the most part, we’re all in this together. 

Looking at the news images we’re being shown (indeed, I’m writing this whilst the same video of the burning down of a massive block of houses and retail outlets in Croydon is shown for the sixth or seventh time, frankly I’ve lost count) then it would be easy to assume that civilisation has ended.  And it’s easy to call for the Army, its easy to call for a clampdown on this right and that liberty; the quick and immediate solutions are often the easy ones.  But the difficult ones are the long term ones.  The ones that call for engagement, the ones that call for a restoration of civility to civilisation.  And in the aftermath, when we’re starting to see pictures of people helping to clean up the cities, people applauding the Police just for being there, people working together against a smaller, insignificant virus, it makes me wonder if this might not be a catalyst for something better. 

Decades ago, people protested about human rights, race issues, people protest now about civil liberties and corruption.  But, on the whole, even if they disintegrate into violence, and the general opinion is a negative one, the wider community can view the initial issue with empathy.

For the last two days, there has been no empathy.  Because there can BE no empathy – the general consensus is one of disappointment, frustration and shame.  And because of this, there is a wave of opposition against this group of chancers.  Perhaps this can be the start of a return to community and a return to sharing values, rather than asking “what’s in it for me?”.

The Changing Landscape

We’re lucky, in the UK. For most built up areas across the home nations, you only really need to travel ten or fifteen minutes from your doorstep to be in, or very near, open countryside. And for all the public arguments around overcrowding and urban sprawl, we really are a green and pleasant land.

Compare that to the organised, planned “green areas” that propagate many major American cities; green gasps of breath within belches of choking concrete. Yet our American friends seem to take great care to plan architecturally magnificent, complimentary green spaces within a concrete framework. For some reason, we seem to struggle with the reverse concept on our shores – enhancing the countryside rather than just sticking a twatting great mobile phone mast in the middle of a field. At least cover it in twigs and whack a few bird nests on it.

It’s been brought to the fore again with an announcement by The National Grid to hold a competition to design more socially acceptable pylons. But we’re way behind. Other countries have cracked this already. Iceland has suggested giant, weaved, iron mannequins as a potential solution –sculptures that “carry” cables across the countryside. That sounds superb. Everyone hated the Angel of the North when it first went up, and now it’s universally loved – quite rightly. Imagine popping out for a drive over the moors and being awed by a cross between Ted Hughes’ Iron Man and Optimus Prime?

Ex-footballer and general all-round Marxist revolutionary Gary Neville has been in the news over the past 18 months with his design for a “green” underground bunker (taking Sir Alex’s persistent siege mentality to its logical conclusion). However, the real controversy has been that he would like a wind turbine in the grounds. So why not take this a step further and bring both concepts together? A giant, person-shaped electrical pylon carrying cables on its shoulder and holding a multicoloured windmill. Camp as Christmas but entertaining.

It isn’t just Britain that’s trying to deal with this particularly thorny issue by pulling on the rose instead of pruning intelligently. Sarah Palin’s recent publication of her email history whilst Governor of Alaska highlights her genuine disdain for natural beauty, wanting to destroy the North American wilderness whilst chasing the oil dollar. And now we’ve got the Belo Monte Dam project looking to displace tens of thousands of indigenous Brazilians, their lands being flooded as a result of the building process and in turn counteracting all the attempts to reforest parts of South America. As an international community, we’re dedicated to really screwing up our attempts to make amends for our original fuck ups.

So what can we do? We can’t burn as much coal anymore, because of the damage to the environment. The jury’s our on onshore wind farming (seriously…they’re eerie. Even more so when you imagine football stars like Gary Neville stalking about near them on the moors). Nuclear power seems to have become more of a no-no, after Fukushima. Solar power is tricky – to cost to manufacture panels is still a little prohibitive. And apart from two weeks in June and July, some countries still struggle to see much, well, sun.

We’re running out of oil. Buy a bike? Millions of them in Asia, and they’re currently kicking our arses in the economy. And their food is amazing. Admittedly, they’ve got such devastating overcrowding that ownership of a car is completely impractical and food is in increasingly short supply. But it doesn’t really matter, anyway. The world’s ending soon. It’ll be either asteroids, earthquakes, World War Three, dirty bombs or global warming.

That’s what you get for trying to think about relaxing in the English Countryside.